


ive only felt religion when ive lied with you

by jungtaeyeon



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Smut, side changlix if you squint, side minsung, slight angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2020-01-11 22:01:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18432974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jungtaeyeon/pseuds/jungtaeyeon
Summary: bang chan wasn't your bias, and he wasn't happy about itor the fan/idol au/fluffy smutty mess every fan girl dreams about





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so please don't hate me if it sucks :)

1.)

 

The sun peeped in at you through the small slit in the curtains. Your eyes fluttered open and then closed again. You laid there in a beautiful mix of sleep and awake when suddenly you realized you were late for work. You sat up and became perplexed at your surroundings, this was definitely not your room.

 _Wait, where am I…_ you started to wonder.

You looked over to see Robyn lying next to you, still asleep looking quite peaceful and hugging her Chimmy plushie. Then you realized you weren’t at home, and this wasn’t just any day, this was the day you were going to meet Stray Kids.

Your heart began to speed up at your sudden realization. You looked around the room and empty cans of hard cider littered the bedside table. Last night’s pad Thai was sitting on the dresser, probably harboring god knows how many bacteria after sitting out at room temperature all night. You felt a tinge of nausea at the thought of it, or any food for that matter.

_Oh god. Am I going to be able to eat today? I have to eat, I’ll never be able to stand in line and make it through the concert if I don’t eat. Let alone have the strength to survive MEETING THEM at hi-touch._

You pushed your hair behind your ears, closed your eyes and focused on your breathing.

_Not today, anxiety. It’s too early for this bullshit._

Your therapist had taught you to talk to your anxiety like it was a person. Speaking of him, God bless that man for listening to you over the past several months preparing for this day. You had drilled him for an endless amount of coping mechanisms in order make sure that you, quite literally, didn’t faint when you met the nine boys who seemingly occupied your every thought.

You rolled out of bed as cautiously as you could, so you didn’t wake Robyn. You walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Your hair was stuck to the side of your head and you had sleep still in the corners of your eyes. You decided to take a shower and think about what to have for breakfast.

The hot water beat into your skin and steam began to fill the bathroom. You inhaled deeply. Trying to focus on the present and not psych yourself out about the night ahead.

_You’re just giving them a high five. Hundreds of fans will get to do the same. They definitely won’t remember you, you’ll blend in with the millions of other girls who are desperately in love with them._

This thought calms you for a moment. Being rational in situations of stress wasn’t particularly your strong suit, so you were happy with this little victory.

When you got out of the shower you checked your phone. You had several notifications from Instagram from realstraykids. Hyunjin was posting selfies and talking about being excited for the concert tonight. Swiping through the pictures he took with other members, Chris got your attention. His hair was a golden blonde and was starting to grow so long, it looked like a borderline mullet with the way it was styled.

“Chris with a mullet steals my soul!!!!” you commented on the picture and then put your phone away.

You walked back into the room and Robyn was awake. You took one look at her and burst into the most high pitched squeal you could manage.

_Well. Being calm was nice while it lasted._

“Good god, y/n. Are you gonna be like this all day?” Robyn asked, already looking done with your shit.

 

Robyn didn’t originally stan Stray Kids. You introduced them to her after you got the tickets. You had been to kpop concerts with her in the past so she seemed like the obvious choice to go with you. You had invited Robyn over a couple months ago and had a “hard intro to Stray Kids” Youtube watching session. Which had included videos like “stray kids on crack” and “a super shitty and unhelpful guide to stray kids.” She eventually chose two biases, Minho and Jisung. When she had told you later that night you were overjoyed because you had predicted who she would bias.

“NO WAY!!!!” you had screeched, “I texted my friend earlier and predicted you would bias them! Just so I could show you when I was right!”

What could you say, you love Robyn, but she has a certain type that always wrecks her. Pretty baby faces and strong vocals. You couldn’t blame her though, they were both an excellent choice.

You snapped back to the present.

“Uh no. I’m calm, I just, uh… yeah I’m gonna be like this all day.” You confessed.

_Thank God I have a friend brave enough to put up with me._

The morning went by faster than you thought it would. You all ordered breakfast and spent the morning watching Jinyoung’s new kdrama. You wanted to get to the venue early-ish because even though you had good tickets, you were still GA and didn’t want to be shoved completely to the back of your section.

 

You had spent months picking the perfect outfit that you would feel confident in to meet them. It was May so you weren’t sure about the weather, but you decided to bank on it being hot outside. You chose a sleeveless shirt that was metallic gold, with a bow that tied around the front and buttoned down. You had also chosen a skort set that looked like a black mini-skirt but actually had shorts underneath and low-top combat boots to complete the look. You curled your hair and tried to give it as much volume as possible. Not that it would matter, you knew it would be matted to your head with sweat by the end of the concert. But hey, you gotta look good for the pics for the ‘gram, right?

 

You arrived at the venue and was baking outside under the morning sun, it was sweltering, you didn’t expect this for May. You definitely had a sunburn and had only been in line for an hour.

_Why on Earth did I wear a tank top...I’m not gonna be able to raise my arm to high five them without the smell knocking them down!_

Suddenly an image of Jeongin falling backward at the smell of your body odor made you laugh out loud. You could see the headlines now, “kpop fangirl’s body odor causes singer to faint.” I mean, it would be hilarious, mortifying, but hilarious.

The concert was a blur, as always. You sang along to all the words you knew and your voice felt hoarse towards the end. You couldn’t believe how close you were to them. The venue was much smaller than you had anticipated. The light was shining off of them and their sweat made them glisten. You were so close you could see their muscles rippling under their denim when they danced.

Felix began talking to the fans about how much he loves us and wants to keep performing well for us. Felix and Changbin were your biases so you were completely engulfed in his cute Aussie accent being spoken 40 feet from you. It was almost too much. The members were fanned out across the stage while he talked and Chris drifted over to the side you and Robyn were on. The girls and boys around me went wild trying to speak to him but he probably couldn’t hear them.

_Rude. My baby Felix is having a moment and y’all are acting like idiots trying to talk over him._

Robyn elbowed me hard in the rib.

“Y/n,” she breathed, “Chris is staring in our direction.”

 

You looked over and locked eyes with him. You froze. You always thought you knew what you would do if you came face to face with one of your idols. But you were wrong. You didn’t feel the way you had predicted at all. You thought your knees would buckle. You thought you would scream or perhaps cry. But you didn’t. You couldn’t describe the feeling that came over you under his gaze. You couldn’t describe it other than feeling totally confident and empowered for the first time in a long time. You realized you needed to react before he looked away so you winked and attempted to look sexy. Then he raised an eyebrow at you, kept your gaze and went back to get in line for the next song.

_WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT! WHY DID I WINK? WHO DOES THAT OH MY GOD._

You were going though it inside and Robyn could tell.

“Um, what was that?? Girl, you just had an interaction with him!” Robyn whispered in your ear.

 

You looked around and none of the concert-goers around you seemed to notice. No one was looking at you. You began to wonder if you imagined it. Your cheeks were burning a fiery red and your stomach felt like it was being assaulted with a swarm of butterflies.

_How am I going to face him at hi-touch after that?? God y/n you were supposed to try to blend in._

You told your inner voice to fuck off, just like your therapist had taught you. But the rest of the concert, you couldn’t keep your eyes off Chris.

 

 

 

You were standing in line for hi-touch and your knees were buckling. You felt like your entire body was on edge and your insides were being electrocuted.

“You’re going to pass out if you keep holding your breath, y/n.” Robyn quietly reminded you. You suddenly realized you had been holding your breath.

“How did I get here? Maybe we should just run.”  You said in a panicked voice.

Robyn looked you up and down like you had just spoken another language.

“Y/n, we’re not being marched to our deaths, we’re meeting this band that you have been obsessing over for months! Get it together! Breathe!” Robyn said while starting to shake you.

_She’s right. What the hell is wrong with you. You paid so much money for these tickets and your bank account is still recovering. You’re doing this._

The line was starting to move faster than you would like. You got closer and closer to where you knew the boys were standing. You saw them in the distance and suddenly realized how tall they were in real life. You should’ve anticipated this since you already knew you were shorter than the shortest member.

_They’re just people. They’re just boys. You talk to boys all the time._

You started to calm down. Until you locked eyes with Chris in the distance.

What was it about his gaze that made you take on a totally different attitude and mindset? Five seconds earlier you were contemplating running again. Now it felt like all of Earth’s gravity was holding you here in this one spot, like this was the only place you were ever supposed to be at this moment in time. You felt confident under his gaze, you felt bold.

You’re still not sure what possessed you, but you broke the gaze to start searching through your purse. You found a receipt and quickly ripped a small piece of the end. The line was moving and you were forced to walk while ransacking your purse. You finally found a pen. You tried to be as nonchalant as you could so you didn’t attract attention from other fans.

As sneakily as you could, you quickly scribbled: Kakao y/n0325.

_Good god, why did I put their debut date in my name on there…I’m such a psycho. That’s so embarrassing._

But you didn’t have time to ponder on that because it was almost your turn. You didn’t have a plan. You didn’t know how you were going to get this to him without being noticed, but you did know that it felt right and you wanted to do it. Chris was the last member in the lineup.

 

Woojin was first. You had already planned out what you were going to say to each of them. You got up to him and his chocolate brown hair was gleaming in the fluorescence. Your hands met and you felt your mind go blank, he was smiling at you as you grappled with your words in your head.

“YOUR VOICE IS LIKE HONEY,” you blurted out, half-yelling at the poor man.

He just laughed and said thank you as you moved on.

Minho was looking at you smiling with his hand up. You didn’t struggle as long with finding words this time.

“I’m so proud of you, I love you to death,” You said as you passed by.

He laughed and said thank you in the cutest accent you’ve ever heard.

Changbin was next. Your bias, which made your thoughts become even more erratic than they had been before. You just started smiling uncontrollably and said “Hiiiiii, I love you Changbinnie” and he looked back at you fondly and said he loved you too.

You were face to face with Hyunjin before you realized it and my, was he good looking, it was like an angel was literally standing in front of you.

“You’re even cuter in person,” you said as fast as you could while touching hands with him. He just laughed and nodded in response.

You couldn’t think of anything else, your mind was at overload when you met Felix, Jisung, Jeongin and Seungmin. So you just told them you loved them as fast and as many times as you could.

When you got to Chris, you finally looked up at him and felt a shiver rip through your core. Your heart felt like it had dropped into your stomach. You felt like you were in an elevator that was falling down with reckless abandon. You raised your right hand up to give him a high five. Your hand was empty. But at the last second you switched and raised your left hand up as quickly as you could and the piece of paper was between your hands. You moved your hand slightly so he could feel it and finally spoke.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you, but this just isn’t long enough.” You said with all the confidence you could muster.

His eyes sparked as he realized what you were doing. He moved his hand and quickly closed it and put it in his pocket.

“Oh yes, I agree,” he said, very coolly with that unmistakable smile that he always shows the world. The smile that you had become so fond of over the last several months. The smile that gave fans hope all around the world and now, at this moment, he was smiling because of you.

 

 

For the second time that night, Robyn looked at you in disbelief as you rounded the corner in the hall way exiting the venue.

“Y/n, you’re the smoothest human alive,” she said with a shocked expression on her face.

You suddenly busted into cackling laughter. It overwhelmed you and wracked your body. Bubbling up from your core. You couldn’t control it. You’re sure you were unnerving everyone near you with your maniacal laughter. Everyone knows, nothing comes good after maniacal laughter. You laughed until your abdominal muscles ached, and tears were spilling down your cheeks.

“That was the best time of my life,” you said in between bouts of laughter.

Robyn started laughing too and you two called a cab to head back to your hotel.

 

You tried not to dwell on your interaction with Chris. He had been nice and a bit flirty, but he was like that with all Stays. You had watched countless youtube compilations of your idols flirting with fans. It was normal. It was nothing special. That’s what you told yourself when you arrived back in your hotel room and your heart was still fluttering in your chest, refusing to return to its normal pace.

_Hey, I’m going at my own pace, Chris would at least be proud of that._

You suddenly started laughing again at your own thoughts and told Robyn you were getting in the shower. She was probably very thankful for this, after the events of the day and the copious amounts of sweat you had shed. You turned on your slow kpop playlist and once again let the steam fill up the room while the water beat down on you. You put your head up against the tile wall of the shower and let the water envelop you.

 

_I had an interaction with Chris. Fans have interactions with their idols all the time at concerts. He was very charismatic, you already knew that. Stop overthinking it and just be happy you made these memories with them, y/n._

Your heart rate began to slow and you focused on the water and the steady hum the shower made. Tomorrow you and Robyn were going into the city and it was going to be a good day. You were going to have a good day with your friend and recount concert memories. Life was good.

You stepped out of the shower and grabbed your phone to turn off the playlist. Butterfly by BTS was playing and you were about to sing along for a few words when you checked your notifications.

You had a few comments on your Instagram posts but your eyes glazed over when you saw what was next.

A notification from Kakao, a notification from none other than Christopher Bang himself.


	2. 2

 

2.)

 

You choked. Your breath hitched in your throat and your eyes raced over the notification over and over again. You walked on auto-pilot into the bedroom, wearing your towel only. Gaze blank as you met eyes with Robyn.

“What is it now?” she groaned. Clearly done with your shit today.

Your words died in your throat and a choked grunt came out instead. You tried again and failed to make sounds that formed words. At this point Robyn was sitting up in bed, clearly becoming alarmed.

“Y/n, what is it? Is everything ok?” she asked, voice becoming alarmed.

_Words, come on. You can do this._

“Chris,” was all you could muster and started pointing at your phone, still searching for words.

“What…” Robyn started, when suddenly realization hit her. She remembered what you had done at the last minute in line.

She started squealing at a pitch that was surely to wake the poor people in the room next to you and finally you joined in. She ran over to you and grabbed your phone to look and her eyes widened at the confirmation.

“Well open it!! We have to see what he said! Oh my god, y/n, do you know how lucky you are? I knew he was staring at you, I knew it!” she squeaked.

You opened your message from him finally and all it said was “got any plans tonight?”

What kind of question was that? Of course not. Not now that he had shown interest in what you were doing.

 

“What do I say? I can’t seem desperate like I was sitting here waiting.” You managed to say.

“Y/n, I’m all about playing hard to get, but this is not the time. He’s only going to be in the city for another day probably and if you have a chance to see him, you need to go for it!” Robyn exclaimed.

“Alright, alright. I’ll just say something that sounds cool but available,” you decided out loud.

You typed out ‘hey! Nothing much, just hanging with my friend in the hotel room. What about you?” You let Robyn proofread it and when you got her approval you turned your head away, squinting like you were in the sun being blinded and pressed send.

_What if he wants to see me. I just got out of the shower. I look like hell and I wore my best outfit already. How should I do my hair? How fast can I get ready._

These thoughts brought you back to the reality of the situation. You had to get moving. You darted into the bathroom and began drying your hair as your towel fell to the floor. Robyn followed you in there only to be graced by your naked form. She put her hands over her eyes.

 

“Oh god, do you want me to get your clothes…or at least some underwear, or something?” she asked, only to drop her hands down and come closer when a notification on your phone dinged. You couldn’t look. You handed it to Robyn and she read it for you.

“He wants to know if you want to come to his hotel! Oh, and he also wants to know your name. You know, I just realized he didn’t even know that. This man is bold, asking you over for a booty call without even knowing your name first. I like it, this is how all men should be, just straight forward with what they want that way we know….” Robyn droned on and your mind started to take off again. Thoughts racing at lightning speed.

 

_Okay he wants you to come to his room, this could be just to talk. What if he just wants to meet one of his fans for a longer period of time. That’s normal right? This doesn’t have to be sexual. Stop making it sexual._

“Maybe he just wants to talk.” You said, almost sounding crestfallen.

“Yeah, he took your contact info, risking serious public backlash to sneak you into his hotel room late at night in a foreign country, just to…talk.” Robyn mocked.

 

“Okay help me get ready, and I’m not going without you.” You said determinedly. That would be rude to just leave your friend at the hotel for the night alone.

 

“Y/n, I know we’re close but I do not want to be in the room for whatever is gonna go down. Also, don’t worry about me. My best friend just got an invite from one of her favorite CELEBRITIES to hang out, I think I can manage without you.” She said, grabbing your shoulders in the process.

 

“Okay, help me get ready.” You said.

You replied to Chris ‘My name is y/n. I’m staying at the Hilton, where are you staying? I could come by if you wanted.’

Robyn was drying your hair as you applied your make up. She’s best friend goals, honestly, you would owe her big time for this. Your phone dinged again, another message from Chris.

‘Wow, we are at the same hotel! Does your friend want to come up too? Jisung said he wouldn’t mind hanging out for a bit. We’re on the top floor, can you come soon?’

“RobyndoyouwannahangoutwithJisung?” your words came out in one syllable. Robyn dropped the brush she was using on your hair and started to pant and breathe heavily.

“Robyn? Robyn?! Yes or no?! You don’t have to do this!” you said turning to face her, worry masking your face.

“I’m going I’m going! Yeah I’m totally going, I’m going…” she stopped and stared at the floor for a moment, just when you were about to speak again she bolted into the other room and you heard crashing, which was surely her dumping her suitcase over. You knew she could handle herself at this point and looked back to your phone.

‘Yeah, we’ll be up in a few minutes. What room number?’ you typed and then aggressively started brushing your hair. It sounded like someone was trashing the room in the bedroom but you just ignored it, letting Robyn do her own thing. You went to get dressed, to only to find what you could only describe as a clothes explosion and a half naked Robyn at the epicenter.

‘Just come to the top floor and I’ll be there to meet you.’ Chris had responded.

It took about 20 minutes but finally you and Robyn had by some miracle pulled yourselves together and were ready to go. You left your room and started walking down the hall to the elevator.

 “You ready?” you asked.

“As ready as we’ll ever be,” Robyn responded sounding surprisingly calm.

You felt calm as well. Trying to soak up every feeling and memory. This wasn’t a dream, you had to keep reminding yourself. You hit the top floor and gave Robyn a reassuring squeeze of the hand and waited for the elevator to move.

The elevator stopped with a gentle thud on the top floor and seconds felt like years as you waited for the doors to open. When they did you were greeted by two very scary looking middle aged men dressed in black, clearly security. Your eyes went wide and you stuck your hand out over the door so it wouldn’t clothes and tried to figure out what to say.

“Ummm…we’re-“ you were cut off by someone else speaking from down the hall speaking in Korean. You knew immediately it was Chris. You knew you needed to get out of the elevator but your feet wouldn’t move. Robyn looked over at you expectantly and motioned you to move. You willed yourself to move as you finally stepped out of the elevator.

Chris was speaking to the security guards in Korean, you weren’t sure what he was saying but the security guards were smiling at him as he turned to look at you and Robyn. His hair was still wet from a shower, he was wearing black joggers with white stripes down the side and a baggy black tshirt.

“Hey y/n!” he smiled walking towards you, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

_So this is what heaven is like. If I don’t walk into heaven and see this when I die, I’m gonna be so disappointed. How is this man real? And how is he interested in me?_

You stuttered at first, wondering how he could be so cool.

“H-h-hey Chris, aren’t you tired?” you stammered, not sounding smooth or the least bit calm.

_Are you fucking kidding me? Did you really just ask him that? Of all things? That makes it sound like you want to cut things short._

“I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t tired,” he laughed.

Robyn saw you were grappling and chimed in, “Duh y/n, he’s a kpop idol, you know these boys don’t sleep. Great show tonight by the way, it was amazing”

You laughed it off. If you survived tonight without having a coronary, you’d never be able to thank Robyn enough for being the calm one.

“Wow, thank you! Sorry, I don’t think y/n told me your name?” Chris questioned looking at Robyn.

“It’s Robyn, it’s so nice to meet you…again.” Robyn smirked.

“I like your name! Anyway, I told Jisung you’d be coming if you all want to go…?” he looked at you expectantly. You hadn’t realized how awkward you must look. You had barely moved a muscle since you stepped off the elevator.

“Right! Yeah, awesome, let’s go.” You smiled, trying your best to seem confident, or calm, or any emotion besides the chaos that was currently raging in your mind at the moment.

You followed Chris down the hall and looked at Robyn who’s mask of emotions had come off and looked at you with wide eyes. You tried to smile back at her, but it probably came out as a grimace.

Chris knocked on the door to one of the rooms and you heard someone yell something that sounded Korean. Then the door opened and the smell of garlic and something fried smacked you in the face. Food was the last thing you wanted to be near right now. The smell alone was enough to send waves of nausea over you.

Jisung stood in the door way, he also looked like he had freshly showered. He was wearing a white tshirt and grey sweatpants. His adorable hamstercheeks were prominent and he was beautifully bare faced.

_Okay, it’s your turn to be cool. You can do this._

“J.Oneeeeeee! How’s it goinnnnnn?!” you drawled, as his face turned into one of surprise at your sudden outburst.

_Nailed it. Someone just kill me now._

“Hi, you must be y/n. And you are?” he looked at Robyn expectantly.

“I’m Robyn, it’s nice to see you again.” She said cooly, smirking at him.

“Ah, Robyn, Chris told me you would be coming, I didn’t know what you would like so I ordered you the same thing as me, I hope you like steak?” he smiled, looking so pure.

“I’m American, of course I love steak!” Robyn laughed, earning a laugh from Chris and Jisung as well.

“Just as I suspected! Please come in,” he said after he was finished laughing.

Robyn walked past you and you were about to follow her when Chris put his hand on your arm to guide you further down the hall way.

“See you all later!” Chris said, waving bye at Jisung as the door shut.

_This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening._

You kept chanting in your head but the situation was way too real. You looked over at Chris and he smiled back at you and you realized you had to stop living in your head and enjoy this time for what it was.

“So what did you think of the show?” Chris asked as you all stopped in front of a door and he slid his key card in.

“Oh, I loved it. I’ve been to several kpop concerts but I was really impressed with the stage presence from you all. But honestly, I expected nothing less.” You smirked at him as you followed him into his room. Suddenly that confidence you had when you first caught his gaze was back. You prayed that it stayed.

His room looked like your average hotel room, his laptop was sitting on one of the beds and his bags sat at the foot. He went and sat down on one of the beds and you briefly thought about sitting on the bed opposite him to face him. But you decided to sit next to him instead.

“Thank you, y/n. I’m so glad you liked it.” He said as you settled in next to him, thighs barely touching.

“No problem, I happen to be the kpop expert,” you teased, “maybe even more than the leader of a kpop group himself.”

“Oh, you really think so? I think my seven years as a trainee might have you beat in the knowledge department.” He teased back.

“Ya know what, you might be right,” you giggled, covering your mouth with your hand.

“Where are you from? Your accent doesn’t sound like New York.” He asked curiously.

“Oh, I have a country accent, I’m from Kentucky.” You shyly said.

“Kentucky! Like Kentucky Fried Chicken?!” Chris laughed, his eyes squinted up and you recalled all the times you had seen girls gush over his sweet laugh.

“Yes, exactly like that,” you laughed back.

“Whoa wait, how far is that from here?” he asked, suddenly serious.

“Oh about an eight or nine hour drive,” you replied, trying to seem nonchalant. Nonchalant, meaning not like you had put your life on hold and drove a whole day to see a boy group that were never supposed to know you exist.

“Wow! You came all this way to see us?” he asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, I guess you could say it was worth it.” You winked, and continued laughing.

“Well I’m glad you decided to come. It’s so nice to meet you, you’re absolutely gorgeous.” He said, fingers brushing your arm.

_Okay. This is it. There’s no way I’m surviving this._

“Oh my gosh, thank you, you’re gorgeous too! I mean, handsome, I mean..” you stammered, he just looked at you as if expecting you to go on.

“I’m not going to lie, I’m really nervous to be here, I’ve been a fan for a long time and honestly it feels like this is a hidden camera or something. I’ve always thought about what it would be like to meet you, is all.” You finished confidently.

“Oh, so I’m your bias?” he grinned.

Your face immediately flushed, you could feel your cheeks burning. How could you tell him your bias was actually Changbin and Felix.

“Uh-uh yeah-“ you stuttered but he totally caught on.

“What! I’m not your bias! Who is it then? Tell me! I have to know now!” He yelled, pretending to be outraged.

“Ah, I can’t say” you said, mortified, trying to find the humor, “By the way, I like the fan terms you’re using, I figured you all didn’t use the word bias.”

“Oh I have my own twitter and I lurk stan tweet, I know all about the crazy stuff that goes on in your minds.” He said confidently.

“Stan tweet? Okay now I’m impressed.” You said shocked.

“Yeah, now tell me your bias, and maybe I’ll let you follow me.” he said jokingly but you felt he was serious.

“Okay,” you took a breath, “I’m double biased, Changbin and Felix” you said, bracing for his reaction.

He erupted into laughter “Changlix! No way! I never could have predicted this!”

“Hey!” you exclaimed, “I started biasing them before I realized they were one of the biggest ships in Stray Kids!”

‘’Oh I’m sure, everyone loves Changlix, you all post some crazy stuff, some I honestly wish I could unsee” He said, eyes suddenly going vacant, and then shaking his head like he got a cold chill. “So I’m not your bias, wow my feelings are hurt.” He said sadly, with terrible acting skills.

You touched his arm and hugged it, wondering where this confidence came from.

“Well people’s bias is always subject to change…” You almost purred, looking up at him smirking as he put his hand on the small of your back.

“Hmm, I’ll have to see what I can do then.” He grinned.

You sat up and faced him, letting go of his arm. You suddenly had a moment of clarity. This was it. This was something you had always dreamed about. Being this close to someone so talented, so charismatic, so beautiful. How many hours had you listened to his beautiful voice through your headphones? How many times had he made you laugh just by being himself on vlive? How many times did his lyrics bring you comfort? How many times had you woken up from dreams of this very situation? Without thinking, you moved your hand up to his chiseled jaw and ran your hand down the length of it.

“I’m sorry, I’m just really happy to be here with you.” You said, “I don’t mean to make you feel weird.”

“There’s slim chance of that happening, babygirl.” He said in reply.

You just then noted how dark his eyes were, it was almost as if they could swallow you up. You noticed them getting bigger and then realized it’s because he was moving closer to you. You felt every cell, every molecule of your being suddenly being drawn in, like all the force in the universe was pushing you all together. You didn’t want to close your eyes. You didn’t want to even miss a millisecond of his moment. But your eyes fell closed and your lips met, his lips brushed yours and suddenly you saw all the stars in existence exploding behind your eyelids.


	3. 3

3.)

_This can’t be real. None of this is real. I’m going to wake up any second now and be back in my bed at home._

But it was so real. The most surreal thing you had experienced thus far in your life. You put a hand on the back of his neck and pulled him closer, as if you were testing the waters, making sure he wasn’t going to evaporate into thin air. But his lips moving in synchronization with yours was enough to pull you out of your thoughts. You deepened the kiss, so he grabbed you by the hip and pulled your body closer to his.

_Calm down y/n. Don’t rip his clothes off…or maybe I should. This is my only chance to be with him like this and I’ll be damned if I have regrets. Chris will tell me if it’s too far._

You let your feelings take over then. You decided to stop over thinking and be present in this moment. You traced his lower lip with your tongue, his lips were so, so smooth. You swore you almost heard a faint moan from him, but you couldn’t be sure. You put your other arm on his shoulder and pulled him towards the bed and he moved with you without hesitation. You were kissing him hungrily now. Feeling the excitement gathering in your stomach. You hooked your leg over him and your thigh brushed his hardening dick, he clenched a fistful of your hair at the friction and you used this as an okay to continue on climbing on top of him. You sat yourself down on his lap, his feet were still touching the floor, which would be perfect leverage for what you had planned next. You lined your crotch up with his cock and began rocking back and forth. Earning a moan from Chris. God, it was like heaven to hear him making sounds because of you. He moved one of his hands from your hair down your shoulder to the front of your chest. He grabbed a handful of your breast and you let out a whimper. Between that and the friction of riding his erection, you were soaking your panties in arousal.

You wanted more. He could tell and moved from kissing your lips to your neck while quickly taking a hand to slip up your shirt. You liked where this was going and you wanted it now. So you lifted up to break contact with him. His lips looked red and bitten, slightly swollen. His eyes were lidded with desire. You lifted your shirt off over your head and threw it.

“Damn babygirl, you look so good for me, are you sure this is ok?” he questioned. His voice laced with desire but still polite.

_Such a fucking good guy, even now._

 You unhooked your bra then and let your breasts free while answering him, “Yes, I’m sure,” you said.

 His mouth opened slightly, you told yourself it was in awe, to keep your confidence going. You bent back down to kiss him and both of his hands went to the bare skin of your tits. He kissed your lips once and then set his attention to one of your nipples, he kissed it sloppily while rolling your other nipple between his finger tips. You couldn’t help it, you moaned in satisfaction. Just watching him was enough to make your pussy throb, begging for relief. You grinded against him again as you fell out of his mouth. You whined at the sudden loss of sensation. But he was pushing you back, you sat up and he rose to face you.

“Want to lay down, baby?” he asked hoarsely. God, the pet names were going to drive you insane. You just nodded yes and smiled, as you got rolled off of him and laid on the bed properly. He stood up and looked down at you before he lifted his own shirt over his head. You drank in the sight of him. He looked like pure sex. His toned abs led into a v, which led to what you had your sights on now. His dick was struggling against his sweatpants, you could see the outside, and a wet spot which was surely from him, and not you. This sent you over the edge. You reached a hand up and ran it down his abs, feeling the warm, hard muscles under his skin. Your eyes involuntarily rolled back into your head as you sighed. He leaned down to kiss you before you had a chance to open your eyes back up. You kept them shut and felt him climb on top of you. You took this chance to run your fingers down his back, you felt his rippled muscles and began to scratch with want and desperation. Your hips grinded up into his as you searched for relief. You dug your nails in harder and heard a sigh from him, this only made you do it with more force. He sighed again as his hips grinded back against yours. You couldn’t take it any longer. You moved your hands down to your own shorts and began to push them off, he moved back to your neck and his lips brushed against your ear as he whispered

“Do you want something, babygirl?” he said in the sexiest raspy voice you’d ever heard.

“I want you.” You immediately said back, sounding almost demanding. You were surprised at yourself by this.

“I think I can make that happen, if you’re good.” He teased, you sighed, thinking about the implications of that statement as he moved back and helped you pull your shorts and underwear off, which you quickly realized were soaked.

You felt embarrassment for a moment but then you saw Chris smirk as he looked at them, throwing them in the floor.

“Ah, I guess I’ll have to believe you,” he said in response to your wetness. He pushed your legs apart and you were completely bare for him to see. You quickly thought about your stretch marks, and the feeling of embarrassment returned, taking away from your feelings of lust.

_Not today anxiety. We wouldn’t have gotten this far if he didn’t think I was attractive. A few pink marks aren’t going to bother him._

You searched his face as he came closer to you. He kissed inside of your thigh as the pads of his finger found your throbbing clit. You moaned at the feeling and put your hands on the back of his head instinctively. He began sucking beautiful bruises into your skin and as you sighed at the sensation. He rubbed rhythmic circles into your clit and you threw your head back in pleasure. His fingers moved to your entrance, and he swirled them around in your wetness before pushing one inside. He looked up at you briefly and you almost orgasmed at that moment from the look he gave you alone, when he put his lips back on you and began sucking on your clit. You literally screamed in pleasure as you felt the sensation building. He slipped another finger inside you at this and your heart began beating faster and faster, each beat getting closer and closer to your release when he stopped.

You whined at the feeling and half-way sat up, bucking your hips in protest. He was still between your legs, smiling devilishly at you.

_This man is pure sin._

“Hey!” was all you said, panting, you hadn’t realized how out of breath you were.

“I thought maybe it was my turn…” he smirked in response.

_Oh boy, he’s gonna pay for this._

“Oh, it definitely can be.” You said coolly. You grabbed his face and pulled him up to you, his lips were wet with your arousal. You kissed him deeply, tasting yourself before you took him by the shoulders and threw him to the side. He landed next to you and you followed him, climbing over him on hands and knees. You wasted no time ripping his sweatpants down, not realizing you had grabbed his underwear with them until his dick suddenly sprung free.

It was _big_ and already leaking with precum. Your breath hitched in your chest as you threw his sweatpants into the floor, he must have seen the disbelief in your eyes because he chuckled as you moved back up towards him. You stroked him a few times before taking him in your mouth, swirling your tongue around the head. You tried to take all of him but he hit the back of your throat. You willed yourself not to gag or react and went back to sucking the head while one hand stroked the bottom of his shaft in synchronization. He sighed deeply at the feeling. You felt him begin to buck his hips up in response and you kept going. You hollowed your cheeks out and took as much of him as you could.

“God baby you’re a fucking pro,” he rasped. You felt a tingling in your core at his comment. He cursed and it made it all the more sexy.

You increased the pace at this, his hip thrusts became more desperate and he started to moan, you could tell he was getting close when you finally pulled away and sat up wiping your mouth. He whined at this and looked at you almost rejected looking. You just grinned in response and he knew this was his punishment for what he had done earlier.

He cursed and sat up, grabbing the back of your head and pulling you to meet his lips. You kissed like that for a moment, both unsure of where this was going next. He pulled back from you and met your eyes for a moment you smiled and nodded. The unspoken agreement led to you laying back down and pulling him on top of you. His cock pressed between your legs and you moved to start biting his neck as you desperately pulled him as hard as you could towards your entrance. But he was stronger than you and he wasn’t budging. You were about to ask him what was wrong when he spoke.

“I’ll be right back, baby” he said in a hushed tone. He got up and stepped over to the other bed his bag was sitting on. You didn’t realize what he was doing, you were too transfixed by his naked form. His broad shoulders, his toned thighs, his toned ass. Everything about him was perfectly sculpted.

_How is he real. How is this real._

Before your inner voice could derail you and take away from the moment, you saw he had found a condom. He opened it and rolled it onto his dick, throwing the wrapper on the other bed. He climbed back on top of you and you touched his gorgeous face again.

“Are you sure?” he asked, voice steady and eyes full of want.

“I’m sure,” you hummed in response.

He lined up with your entrance and pushed into you then. You gasped at the feeling of him stretching your walls. He watched you as you threw your head back again with lust. He grabbed one of your boobs and began sucking on your nipple once more as he picked up his pace and began steadily thrusting into you. You clawed at his back with one hand and fisted the blankets in the other, knowing full well that you would wake whoever was in the room next to you if you didn’t hold yourself back.

Your hips matched his rhythm and everything began to fade. Nothing else occupied your thoughts except him, Chris.  With every breath you wanted to breathe out his name, lust pooling in your stomach.

Then he put one arm down on the bed next to you and one hand went down to where your bodies met. His fingers once again found your clit and began rubbing circles into it. It was too much, after a few moments of that, you felt your hips stuttering as your orgasm tore through your core, sending shock waves throughout your body, you swear you saw stars and your pussy clenched around Chris’s huge cock.

“Chris,” you were moaning so loud he moved a hand to cover your mouth as you rode out your high.

“Damn baby you’re loud, people gonna know how good you’re getting fucked by me,” he said as he slipped out of you. You were momentarily shocked by how graphic that was when you whined once again at the feeling of emptiness. He then pulled you on top of him and you sat down on his lap, taking his full cock in the same motion.

He sighed at the feeling and you started to rock your hips against him. You watched him as his eyes fell closed, lips parted, sweat shining on his forehead. You didn’t think you had ever seen anything more sexy in your life. The sight alone was enough to have desire starting to build again in your core. You picked up your pace as both of his hands guided you back and forth.

“Fuck baby you’re gonna make me come,” he said in a low voice, almost a growl. He reached up then to kiss your neck once more as his hips jerked up and you felt him cumming. His head was buried in the crook of your neck as you scratched more lines into his back.

You lifted off of him and moved to sit next to him. You looked over at him and he looked completely fucked out. His hair was a tousled mess, his lips were chapped, his pupils were blown. He looked at you for a moment and then moved to get up.

“Guess I better get rid of this,” he said and chuckled a bit as he walked to the bathroom. When he came back he was still naked, looking gorgeous as ever. You tried so hard to take in every inch of him. This was likely the last time you’d ever see him like this. You felt a pang of sadness at the thought.

“Yeah I’m gonna go, uh…clean up real quick,” you said as you passed him walking to the bathroom. You went in and shut the door, you purposefully avoided the mirror and sat down to pee. It wasn’t until you sat down that you realized your legs were trembling. You held your hands up and realized they were shaking as well. You pushed your hair behind your ears and tried to stay calm.

_That was the best sex of my fucking life. How do you go on living after that?_

You flushed the toilet and washed your hands, still avoiding the mirror as you walked back into the room. Chris was still naked laying on the bed, eyes trained on you.

You didn’t know what to say, you suddenly felt nervous again. But he looked at you so softly, it was hard stay that way.

“Well, that was good. I guess I’ll put some clothes on,” you chuckled, trying so hard to be nonchalant. You reached for your bra when he batted it out of your hand.

“Absolutely not,” he said and pulled you back into bed with him.

“Oh,” you said, shocked, “I thought you would want to go to bed now.”

This is what guys always do after hook ups, as you recall, make some bullshit excuse about why you had to leave now. It had just become habit for you to leave immediately after.

“I am going to bed,” he said, “but you’re staying, I want to…I want to know you more.” He sounded shy, which threw you off.

You decided to be honest with him, since he was letting himself be so vulnerable, “I want to get to know you more,” you said, barely above a whisper.

“But don’t you know me? Don’t fans automatically know everything about me?” he asked, eyes unreadable.

“Chris, the public will never _know_ you. We only know what you show us, not who you really are,” you professed. Chris looked stunned and almost impressed with your answer. He moved to you before you realized it and kissed you, his eyes fell shut. You began to wonder how often he did this. You knew kpop idols had to be having sex but you could never piece together how they had time or how they kept it so secret without people running their mouths after. You parted your lips and looked at him.

“Do you do this often?” you asked, trying to sound as nonjudgemental as possible.

He looked at you, studying your face for a moment before responding.

“Yes,” he said, waiting a moment before continuing, “but never with a fan, and never with someone like you.”

“Someone like me…” you repeated, honestly not sure if you wanted to know what that meant. He blinked in response and your lips met again .


	4. 4

4.)

You talked, and learned more about each other. You would kiss passionately for what felt like hours and he would pull back to look at you. You stared deeply into each other’s eyes, and you didn’t know what to say, or how to put what you were feeling into words.

“Talk to me,” you said, just needing to hear anything from him.

“You’re beautiful.” He said, and went back to kissing you.

You kissed for several more minutes and he pulled away to look at you again.

“Talk to me,” you said again.

“You’re amazing.” He said, as his lips crashed back into yours. It went on like this for an unknown amount of time. You kept saying the same thing over and over again, it was like a _prayer_ and his words saved you every time.

You talked about everything, about your life back home, about your job, about college, your pets. He wanted to know all these things about you and you weren’t sure why. You learned about him too, what he likes for breakfast, what his favorite movie was, what he did to pass time on flights. Your conversations didn’t have boundaries, it was like two old friends catching up.

The first signs of morning began to arise. You could see soft light bleeding in around the curtains and you felt your heart sink. He would have to go soon and you’d likely never see him again. 

That’s when it hit you, you were never going to leave this hotel room. Physically, you might, but not mentally. Mentally you were going to be here for months, maybe years, reliving every second you had with him. You weren’t in love with him, you couldn’t be, you had just met him. But you were addicted to him, you craved him. You knew you would compare every other man in the future to him, and be unsatisfied when they fell short. You resigned yourself to your fate and decided to drink in every moment while you had the chance.

Chris saw you looking past him and rolled over to see the light coming through the window too.

“Oh shit,” he said, “what time is it?”

He reached over you and grabbed his phone for the first time all night.

“It’s six am baby girl, maybe we should try to get some sleep. I have a flight to catch by noon.” He said while pulling the covers down.

“Oh ok! I can go back downstairs if you want to sleep,” you said, trying to sound casual.

“Don’t leave yet, stay here with me for a while longer.” He said, as he pulled you under the covers with him. You laid down next to him and put your head in the crook of his neck. You put your hand across his stomach and held him like you were holding on for dear life, because you were. You closed your eyes and willed yourself to sleep. You were exhausted after the concert, the sex, staying up all night. Sleep started to overcome you and you swore you thought you heard him whisper your name as you drifted off.

 

You awoke to banging on the door, you jerked and sat up in the bed. Once again, confused by your surroundings. You felt a hand around your waist and realized it was Chris. The memories from the night started to crash over you when the knocking began again.

“I think your friend bluebird is at the door…” Chris mumbled sleepily.

“Her name is Robyn,” you giggled, suddenly feeling very slap happy. You walked over to the door and saw Robyn through the peephole. You looked down and remembered you were still naked but she looked impatient so you hid your body behind the door and opened it just a crack.

“Well hello, dear friend,” she said, “I need the key to the room.”

“Oh, right, hold on.” You said and you began scrambling through your purse trying to find it for her. When you returned with the key card she was looking at you confused.

“You should get dressed, the staff already came to get Jisung to make him workout. I’m sure they’ll come get him soon as well.” She warned.

“Whoa. Wait, you spent the night with him?” you asked astounded, putting the pieces together.  

“Well its seven am and I’m just now asking for the key, so it looks like it.” She said with a smirk. How was she so cool? “I’ll see you downstairs and we can talk about it, and I want to know about all of this,” she said pointing her finger up and down at you.

“Okay, see you soon” you said and shut the door. You turned around and looked at Chris, he was back to sleep. You tried to remember every inch of him, his features perfectly highlighted by the morning sun. You’d never seen a sight more beautiful. You searched around the room for you clothes and put them on as you found them. You didn’t want to be naked if any staffs came in the room,

You laid back down next to him, the morning light made his hair glow, and cast shadows across his face. He slept with his mouth parted, you stared at his lips, trying to memorize them.

_God I hope he doesn’t wake up. I’m being such a creep._

But you couldn’t stop staring. He was like a vision, perfect in every single way. Watching him sleep was like watching a movie you could watch over and over forever. He started to stir after an unknown amount of time, he had been sleeping on his back but he rolled over to face you, grabbing you around the waist and pulling you to him, groaning when he realized you had clothes on.

“Baby, why do you have your clothes on?” he mumbled sleepily, eyes still closed.

“Robyn came and told me the staff came to wake up Jisung, I didn’t want to be naked if someone walked in here.” You explained while running a hand through his hair. God, you couldn’t touch him enough.

“They won’t come in here,” Chris said, opening his eyes, “you’re safe here with me.” He said as he took one hand and started lifting up your shirt. You gasped at the contact of his hand on your skin.

_Are you kidding me. I’m already making noises and all he did was touch my stomach. I could die of embarrassment at this very moment and  not be mad._

He chuckled at your noise and continued to take your shirt off and try, unsuccessfully to unhook your bra. You helped him and unsnapped it. He took no time in kissing you and grabbing a handful of your breast on one hand while deepening the kiss. You were scared of someone walking in but you couldn’t help it, you came undone every time this man touched you. You threw your hands around his neck and let him take control. He climbed on top of you and moved his lips to your neck, then to your collar bone. He lingered there and sucked another bruise into your skin, you started to moan at the feeling. He continued kissing down your body, worshiping every inch. He came to the waist of your shorts and stopped, looking up at you. You were already panting and suddenly felt self-conscious about it. As if sensing it, he winked at you then and began unhooking your shorts. Your heartbeat quickened at his gesture. You let him take off your shorts and underwear, wanting nothing more than his touch to help the throbbing that had begun between your legs.

You thought he was going to eat you out again but instead he moved back to face you as the pads of his fingers found your clit. You sighed at the contact and grabbed him to meet your lips. You kissed him hungrily, wanting nothing more than to feel him inside you. You began to desperately grab at his hips and pull him into you. He pulled away again and moved his lips to one of your nipples, swirling his tongue around it. You moaned with pleasure but quickly pulled his head away so you could speak to him.

“I need you inside me.” You said, with all the confidence in the world. It came out as more of an order than a request and his eyes darkened with lust.

“Okay babygirl, I can do that” he smiled and moved to get up to get another condom. He had just ripped it open when you heard a knock on the door, and someone on the other side yelling in Korean. You met his eyes.

“Oh shit,” he turned to you and said as you began scrambling for your clothes and he did the same. He yelled something back to them in Korean.

He went to the door and cracked it, continuing speaking in Korean. You had just got your shirt back on, heart still racing wildly but for a different reason. He finally closed the door and turned back to you.

“Y/n…I have to get dressed and go to the airport now,” his tone was flat, his eyes looked sad and you wanted to know why. Your stomach twisted at his words. You knew this was coming but it didn’t make saying goodbye any easier.

“Oh, okay, well I’ll get my stuff then,” you said, using every ounce of willpower to keep your tone level. You moved and put your shoes on and grabbed your purse. He was standing between you and the door and you looked at him awkwardly.  “It was really nice meeting you Chris, this was amazing, I hope I see you again,” you managed to say. Not caring at this point if it sounded too clingy. It was the truth and you’d be damned if he didn’t know it.

“I hope we will too one day, y/n…” he said, sounding disappointed. You moved to walk past him, trying to smile, when he grabbed you and pulled you into a hug. You wrapped your arms around his neck and lost yourself in his embrace. Why did it feel so right? It was just a one night stand, albeit, with a celebrity, but a one night stand none the less. Especially to him.

He moved to end the hug and you walked towards the door, opening it slowly, every movement taking all your energy to fight the urge to turn around and hug him again. You stood in the doorway and looked back at him, he looked beautiful standing there.

“Bye, Chris.” You said, and somehow by an act of God managed a smile. You started walking and let the door shut behind you. The hallway was empty but you could hear people stirring in their rooms. You quickened your pace, not wanting to meet anyone right now.

You pressed the down button multiple times, as if that would make it come any faster. You checked your phone and you had dozens of messages from your friends asking if you were okay since you had gone MIA for hours. You sighed, were you okay? How would you ever tell anyone this besides Robyn? You heard a door open down the hall as you hurried into the elevator, not wanting to come face to face with a staff or a member. You heard someone say something but couldn’t make it out, they sounded frantic. You pressed the door close button over and over but at the last second they opened again and Chris was standing there.

Even though it had been minutes since you saw him, you felt like you were seeing a ghost.

“Come to Texas with me, that’s where our next show is. I’ll pay for your hotel and flight, I don’t care. I just want you to come.” He stammered, looking exasperated and desperate.

“Uhhh,” you stammered,  not believing what was unfolding.

“I know it’s stupid, but I really want to see you again tonight y/n.” he said, with pleading eyes.

“I, uh, okay…okay I will. But I can pay for my stuff” you said slowly.

“No you’re not. I’ll text you the details. So you’ll come?” He asked, eyes starting to lighten.

“Yes, yes I’ll come” you said finally.

All you could see was his smile as the elevator doors closed.


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kinda a filler chapter but please leave me feedback on the story as a whole so far please please please. thank you for reading :)

_What the fuck. Wake up y/n. You can wake up anytime now because this shit CANNOT BE REAL. Am I in purgatory? Is this some way of helping me heal my fucked up soul before heading into the afterlife?_

You shook your head, being completely still was suddenly making you very anxious. The elevator arrived at your floor and you walked back to your hotel room. You pulled out your key, being glad you had two, because you surely didn’t want to wake Robyn up if she was as tired as you were.

You quietly opened the door and found Robyn asleep holding her plushy once again. The same sight you had awoken to yesterday morning.

_Whoa? Was that only yesterday? Has all this shit really went down in the past 24 hours?_

Your mind began to spin at the thought, suddenly feeling very emotionally and physically exhausted, you took off your shorts and slipped into bed with Robyn, not even caring to put on pajamas. You were sure Robyn had seen worse things than you in your underwear and a shirt. You laid down next to her as softly as possible, you realized you were shaking as you settled down in the blankets, willing yourself to stop.

 You picked your phone up to set an alarm so you didn’t miss check-out when you realized you had a message from Chris asking for yours and “Bluebird’s” information so he could buy your plane tickets. Thankfully you had Robyn’s memorized and you sent it back to him, wondering when he would ever get her name right and fighting the urge to chuckle as you read it again. You set your phone on loud so you wouldn’t miss his next message if you fell asleep.

You felt Robyn move, she turned over and realized you were there and shot up in bed.

“So! What happened?!” she demanded, way too energetic for someone as sleep deprived as the two of you.

“Um I’m wondering the same about you! But first, when do you work again?” you asked, cautious. There was no way you could finish this trip without her.

“Monday…why?” she asked, looking concerned.

“Well, Chris wants us to go to the Texas concert with him tomorrow…” you said slowly, “He’s buying us a hotel room and a plane ticket if we’re willing to go…” you cringed, waiting for her to tell you this was crazy and irresponsible.

“What did you do to him! Damn what the hell, y/n?! You must have pulled out some freaky shit to get him to fall for you this fast!” she screamed, grinning as wide as she could.

“He hasn’t fallen for me!” you said defensively, “I guess he just trusts me not to run my mouth to everyone, except you, obviously, and wants to enjoy it while he can? I don’t know!”

“Trust you not to tell what, exactly?” Robyn smirked. This was unlike her, she never wanted to know details about your sex life.

“Uhhhh…” you smiled and busted out laughing. You both laughed until tears streamed down your faces. You both loved these boys in a way that only a true fan would understand, but now it was taking a different turn for both of you. Then Robyn stopped and looked very serious.

“It feels like you _know_ them, you get to know their personalities through their variety shows, you get to know their talents through their performances, you get to know their lives through their posts on social media. It’s so easy for fans to get lost in this, and feel like they’re closer than what they actually are. So you love and support them from afar, knowing that your lives will never intersect. But here we are, and it doesn’t feel real.” She stated, very calmly, looking in shock.  But her words resonated with you.

“I know Robyn, this was never supposed to happen. It’s like you ‘know’ them but then you actually meet them and realize you actually don’t. There’s so much that will never be portrayed on camera...” You said, trying desperately to articulate all of your emotions into words. Emotions you didn’t know you were fighting until now.  

“The odds of this happening were literally a billion to one, sorry, a trillion to one. So let’s just go with it. We’ve been given a once in a lifetime opportunity and we need to go with it.” She said, starting to smile again.

Your phone buzzed again then, it was Chris, he had sent you a link to your boarding passes, and your flight left at noon as well.

“Robyn, I think we’re on the same flight as them, we gotta get ready and get out of here ASAP.” You said with wide eyes.

You both sprang into action and prayed like hell you caught your flight.

 

 

You stepped out of the taxi at the airport with your carry-on. Robyn lingering behind you. Somehow both of you managed to take a shower and make yourselves look presentable, not sure how long you’d have between getting off the plane and getting to your hotel. Which Chris had already sent you the reservation number for. Would your heart ever calm down and beat normally again? Probably not. You walked through the doors of the airport and started making your way to security.

You looked around and noticed an inordinate amount of people wearing Stray Kids merchandise around you.

_Shit. Right. A lot of fans come see them at the airport. I wonder if they’ve arrived yet._

“Let’s ask one of them if they’ve arrived yet,” you mentioned to Robyn who shook her head in agreement.

You started walking toward a mass of Stays when suddenly you heard screeching and knew what it meant. They had begun running toward one of the entrances and security was already there waiting to protect the boys. Cameras started flashing and the herd of fans moved with the boys as they made their way towards security.

You caught a glimpse of Chris, he was wearing his signature black hat and it looked like black sunglasses. But there was no way he’d seen you through the swarms of people around him.

Both yours and Robyn’s mouths dropped. You couldn’t help it. It was odd seeing them like this now, after being so close to them the night before. It felt, cold. You couldn’t describe it. You were both glued where you were standing, helplessly staring at them as they moved past on the other side of the lobby. You didn’t like being this far away. You both were _spoiled_ after hanging out with them once. You scolded yourself mentally for it. The chaos was still following them until they got to the line for security. You didn’t dare move until they had moved so far ahead in line, you couldn’t see them anymore.

“So did that feel…weird to you?” you slowly asked Robyn, turning to her.

“Weird…no. That’s the feeling of us being so fucked.” she announced, confirming your suspicions.

_I’m so, so fucked._

 

You and Robyn were seated next to each other on the plane. Both trying to sleep, but failing. You realized you had never gotten the details about her night with Jisung so you decided to probe her now.

“So, what did you and Jisung do?” you asked, trying hard not to sound nosy.

“Well we ate dinner and it was delicious. We talked and stuff. Honestly, I was so nervous but we started talking about what got me interested in kpop and other groups I like and it started to feel more normal. I made him watch a shit ton of Seventeen crack videos and I honestly think he enjoyed them.” She laughed.

“So you all stayed up all night?” you asked, their night seeming much more…tame, than yours.

“Yeah, eventually we started playing games, he had brought his Nintendo Switch and I kicked his ass on Mario Kart.” she said cooly.

“So you all didn’t…?”you questioned, knowing she would know where this was going.

“No, you know I don’t do that.” she giggled, “but we did low-key cuddle laying on the bed playing video games.” she stated, voice rising, almost to a squeal.

You couldn’t help it, you squealed back. That just sounded too cute for you to handle.

“I know, I know, I meant like did you cuddle or hold hands or anything. I know you, my dear Robyn.” You said, while grabbing her arm to hold on to her and lay your head on her shoulder.

“Do I want to know details about you two?” she asked, trying to sound stern.

“Probably not,” you said, smiling.

“Understood.” She said back.

You stayed like that. Holding on to your best friend, flying over god knows what state below, to a city you’d never been to, halfway across the country, to be with a guy you had just met less than 24 hours before. But somehow you knew you were making the right decision by going. You didn’t know if you had tickets to the concert, you _knew_ you’d never see Chris again after you left Houston. But it felt right, and you found comfort in it. You clung to that feeling, praying it wouldn’t leave, as sleep finally found you.


	6. 6

You were looking out your hotel window at the city lights illuminating the sky. The sun had set and you were in awe of the breathtaking display of the city at night. Your thoughts, of course, drifted to Chris after a while. He was all you had thought about for the past 24 hours straight. Oh, how much can change in a day. You sat and pondered the thought.

A day ago you were just a normal fan excited for the concert. A day ago you were dreading the flight home and thinking about work to do when you got back. A day ago you hadn’t seen the way the morning sun lit up his face. A day ago you hadn’t felt him electrify every inch of skin he touched. A day ago you hadn’t heard him whisper your name in the dark. A day ago you hadn’t felt the way his muscles twitched as he slept. A lot can change in a day.

Robyn was still asleep. You both had been zombies getting off the plane and getting to the hotel had been a struggle, no matter how excited the two of you were about being there. Chris had told you they had rehearsal and he would talk to you afterward. Would you ever get used to this? Speaking so casually with him and somehow feeling like it was normal? You weren’t sure.

Every time you thought about the night before, your face would heat up and you would immediately get butterflies in your stomach. Well, butterflies was putting it nicely. A better description would be immediately feeling your stomach drop along with feeling light headed and an impending sense of doom. But in the best way possible. You’d had “sex flashbacks” before but this was on another level.  

To be fair, this was no ordinary experience, no guy had ever made you orgasm that fast, especially it being the first time you all had had sex. Normally you were really nervous and it made it harder for you to have an orgasm. But not this time. Chris had gifted you with multiple orgasms and it had your head spinning each time you recalled them.

You tried to tell yourself this is why you were so enamored by him. It wasn’t because you actually had developed feelings for him, it wasn’t because he was an idol or celebrity, it was because he was ridiculously good in bed. That’s what you told yourself. Over and over.

You moved away from the window, your thoughts had started getting the best of you and you needed a distraction. You plopped down on the bed opposite Robyn and pulled up Youtube. Your homepage was full of Stray Kids videos that were recommended for you.

“Nope.” You said, out loud. You were trying not to dwell on him and this certainly wasn’t helping. You clicked off the app immediately and suddenly heard a knock at the door.

You immediately knew who it was and was frozen in panic. You looked over at Robyn and threw a pillow at her while lunging toward the bed.

“Robyn!” you whispered franticly, “Chris is here!”

Robyn peered up at you with confused but then knowing eyes.

“Well you better go answer the door,” she said, as if it were the easiest thing in the world and not something that was making you so anxious you felt like you were about to vomit.

You opened the door, anticipation building in your stomach.

“Hey what’s up?” you asked before you got a chance to get a good look at him.

He was again wearing his signature black tshirt and sweatpants, his hair was wet again from the shower and tousled, still sticking to his head in some places. They must have had some stage makeup on for whatever reason at rehearsal because you could see where he hadn’t completely washed all off it off. Some it still messily smeared under his eyes. But his smile was the most remarkable part, slightly crooked and extending all the way to his eyes when he looked at you.

He was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen. You took a step forward without thinking and wrapped your arms around his neck and closed your eyes tight, wanting to live in this moment forever. This moment where Chris had come to your door and smiled when he saw _you_ open it.

He gasped at your sudden movement, it had clearly surprised him but he only paused a millisecond before hugging you back, arms wrapping around your waist and squeezing impossibly tight.

“Ah, good to see you too!” Chris laughed in your ear.

You opened your eyes and you came face to face with a very wide eyed Jisung standing right behind Chris. You hadn’t even noticed him standing there, you had been so absorbed Chris.

You recoiled when you saw him and smiled, saying hello. He simply laughed and shook his head playfully in response.

“Come in, both of you!” you said, walking back toward the door where Robyn was standing.

“Well, we have an idea.” Chris said, something about his voice made you suspicious, as he gave you the most devilish grin.

 

 

“Yah! Hyung-“ and then Hyunjin broke into a bout of Korean you couldn’t possibly understand.

Not that you mind. You wish with everything in you that you could speak Korean and you really had tried to learn, and still do. It’s just with work and everything else in your life, you couldn’t spend as much time on it as you would like, so your progress was slow. You could at least say hello, goodbye, help me etc. But no way would you be able to carry on a conversation.

So when you found yourself on the hotel rooftop with 9 people who are very fluent in Korean, you couldn’t help but feel a bit embarrassed and out of place. Luckily, Robyn was in the same situation as you.

This was Chris and Jisung’s grand idea, to eat dinner and drink on the rooftop of the hotel with the rest of the group. Drink, meaning, alcohol, which you didn’t think they did. You had heard about Chris’s no drinking rule for the group during their first year after debut.

But here you were, sitting in a circle, eating pizza with Stray Kids and your bestfriend while they argued over what drinking games to play. You looked over at Chris, feeling lost as they were all arguing, asking him to fill you in on what was going on.

“Well, we don’t let any of the maknaes drink the night before a show, so Hyunjin is arguing that he doesn’t need to be included in that. BUT, it’s the rule that you have to be born in 1999 or above to drink, so that’s why Changbin looks so smug right now and Hyunjin is furious.” Chris said expertly.

Changbin did look smug, he was sitting next to Felix, of course, and they were laughing about God knows what. Minho was sitting on the other side of him, then Jisung, who was touching knees and chatting with Robyn animatedly, while including Minho in on the conversation. Jeongin and Seungmin were playing rock paper scissors over who got the last slice of pizza, while Hyunjin and Woojin continued the heated debate over drinking rules while Chris was distracted by you.

“Well that’s not very fair,” you said, “how are they supposed to play drinking games if they can’t drink? It’s not fair to just have them sit and watch us play.”

 

“Oh they can play, it’s just when they lose or would have to drink, one of us has to,” Chris grinned, “so it gets things going pretty fast.”

“Well you better get something going because Hyunjin and Woojin look like they’re about to go at it” you observed, amused.

“Yah-“ Chris called everyone’s attention and started explaining what you assumed were the rules in Korean. You made eye contact with Robyn who looked equally lost and waited for one of them to explain to the both of you.

“Have you heard of Never Have I Ever?” Chris looked to you and Robyn to ask. Of course you had. But you suddenly felt like this was going to get very awkward or embarrassing very quickly if you stayed sober. You were tempted to go ahead and take a shot at the thought.

“Oh yes!” Robyn said, “This is going to get interesting!”

“Okay!” Chris said, “Don’t look so nervous y/n or do you have something to hide?” he said jokingly, slipping an arm around your shoulder and squeezing. Your stomach dropped at his simple gesture.

_Oh, me? Nothing to hide. Except the fact that I’m weirdly obsessed with you after what I thought would be a one night stand and feel like a giggly teenager holding hands with someone for the first time every time you freaking touch me._

“No not at all,” you purred, leaning into his embrace, “let the games begin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys I love this chapter  
> can you imagine eating pizza and playing drinking games with ot9?  
> *dies*


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> k so this chapter is way longer than the others  
> i hope you enjoy and please leave me comments :)

“They’re going to try to get you all out because it’s easiest to target both of you because you’re girls.” Chris said, letting you go from his hold.

“That’s okay, we can play dirty too,” You said back to him smiling. You looked over at Robyn and gave her wide eyes, she gave them back, acknowledging she was in on the game plan.

“Okay, our oldest member will start.” Chris said, still smirking. He then began speaking in Korean. Everyone held five fingers up, you assumed this meant you had five strikes and then you were out. You looked over at Woojin, who was eyeing you and Robyn. You suddenly remembered him being absolutely ruthless when it came to games on their variety and reality show. You always thought it was funny but now that you were about to be on the receiving end, you desperately wished the boy had some chill.

He spoke in Korean, which you didn’t understand. The boys around you erupted in laughter but none of them put fingers down. Chris turned to you and translated.

“He says never have I ever lived in the United States.” Chris laughed.

_Shit._

You and Robyn laughed and looked at each other. You poured both of you a shot and counted down, taking it together. The liquor burned your throat and you tried not to make a face in disgust. Chris was laughing beside you and patted you on the back, looks like your poker face didn’t hold up. Everyone was still laughing. You looked over at Robyn, Jisung and Minho were watching her with sympathy as she choked on her shot. She never was much of a drinker.

 

Now it was Chris’s turn to come up with something to say. He put his hand on his chin pretending to be thinking way harder than he was probably. You couldn’t help but internally swoon at the cute expression he was making. It was nice seeing this side of him, the playful leader and big brother to his younger members. It fit him well.

“Ah! I have it!” he then spoke a sentence in Korean and you mentally scolded yourself for the thousandth time for not knowing more Korean. He turned back to you and Robyn and said “Never have I ever smoked a cigarette!”

“Well that’s good for me!” you happily said, grinning at him. But then you became distracted by Minho pouring a shot and all the members shouting at him.

Minho took the shot expertly, barely changing his expression as Jisung patted him on the back. He looked proud and you couldn’t help but find it endearing. Now it was your turn and you intended fully to keep your promise about playing dirty against Woojin.

“Hmmmm…” you said, noticing how all the members were staring at you, waiting for you to speak so someone could translate. You were overcome by how odd this was. Weren’t you supposed to be the one staring at them? On a stage? Your thoughts started swirling again, you felt your cheeks go red under their stares and you suddenly couldn’t think of anything coherent to say.

“Aw, y/n, are you already getting drunk from one shot?” Chris questioned jokingly, while wrapping his arm around your shoulders and squeezing a couple times. This seemed to snap you out of your trance like state and a lightbulb went off in your brain.

“Never have I ever lived in Korea!” you exclaimed, taking a chance to look at Woojin who already seemed to understand as Chris translated, and winked. Woojin did an angry laugh as all the members who were drinking groaned while pouring their shots. Chris took his shot next to you, tilting his head back and taking it in one swallow.

When he brought his head back down he was smiling as a single drop of alcohol started to run out of the corner of his mouth and down his chin. You watched as it meandered down his skin, entranced, as you moved your hand up to wipe it away. Chris noticed your hand out of the corner of his eye and turned his head to lock eyes with you, his eyes slowly became serious as he read your expression and your thumb swiped over his soft skin. You stayed like this, staring at him and exchanging more than words could convey until Robyn coughed. You realized everyone was looking at you and Chris. Robyn thankfully started speaking to get their attention.

“Never have I ever performed on a stage!” Robyn said proudly, looking at you confidently. You reached for your glass, you had performed on stage before so this meant you were taking a shot with the rest of the boys.

“Robyn I was in drama club!” you whine, not that you were actually upset about taking a shot. Your poor nerves surely needed something to take the edge off. This shot went down easier than the first and you were hoping to god that you would begin to feel the effects soon.

Now it was Jisung’s turn and he looked very mischievous as he was shouting for everyone’s attention.

“Never have I ever eaten McDonald’s!” he said in English, then repeating it in Korean. Everyone was yelling at him in Korean and you couldn’t help but laugh at the outrage on their faces. Han Jisung had to be the only person you knew who hadn’t eaten McDonald’s.

Chris grabbed your glass and filled it for you before you could get to it.

“Do you want me to take the shot for you?” he asked sweetly, putting his hand on the small of your back. It was a nice gesture, but you needed the alcohol at the moment.

“No I’m really okay, I promise,” you said smiling, taking it from him. He just nodded and clinked his glass against yours before taking the shot. You both had had 3 shots at this point and you swore you started to feel a warm tingle settling in your body as soon as you took the third shot.

Minho was next. You looked around at the circle, Changbin was holding onto Felix’s arm and was very visibly feeling the effects of the alcohol. You made eye contact with him and started laughing. He seemed to notice and asked you what you were laughing at in English.

Everyone turned to look at you again.

_Fuck._

You just started laughing more to and shrugged it off.

“Yeah she’s drunk” Felix announced before turning his attention to Minho.

Minho spoke in Korean but from Chris’s face you could tell he would have to drink.

“He said never have I ever thrown up from drinking. Do you have to drink?” he asked.

“Yes she does, I’ve held her hair back!” Robyn laughed, nudging your arm.

“Thanks Robyn!” you said, reminding yourself to hit her later for bringing up your most hungover moments to Chris.

“Are you sure you can take another y/n? I’ll drink for you.” Chris said again, seeming worried. Four shots weren’t going to hurt you. No way.

“Yeah I’m fine! I’m not a lightweight like Changbin!” you yelled, way louder than you intended. Felix and Seungmin overheard and Felix fell back laughing, holding his stomach. Seungmin translated for Changbin who started telling you off while laughing angrily.

“I am not! You are drunk!” Changbin exclaimed, shaking his fist in your direction. You laughed even harder at that, leaning into Chris and grabbing his arm, squeezing as your sides ached with laughter. He helped you sit upright again and handed you your shot. It went down even smoother.

Felix whispered something into Changbin’s ear, and Changbin smiled. You had completely forgotten it was his turn. You just knew it was going to be something targeting you after your little outburst.

“Never have I ever kissed Jisung!” Changbin said while he and Felix eyed Robyn.

_Well shit, that was unexpected._

Robyn looked around at all of the eyes that were now on her, “What?” she shrugged, “I haven’t kissed him.”

But nothing could have prepared anyone for Minho grabbing his shot glass and a bottle of alcohol. Chris yelled to stop him, you assumed he was explaining that Changbin had said never have I ever kissed Jisung. But Minho just shook his head smiled before taking the shot.

The entire circle erupted in screaming. Seungmin was covering Jeongin’s ears. Felix and Changbin were no longer sitting up, their legs thrashing about in fits of laughter. Woojin and Hyunjin had both walked away laughing. Chris was staring with his eyes wide and mouth open, he appeared to be trying to make words. You hugged him and started laughing yourself.

Jisung looked over at Robyn who was laughing along with everyone else.

“Well we were drunk and it was just once and-“ Jisung mumbled before Robyn cut him off.

“I don’t care who you’ve kissed, remember what I told you?” Robyn said reassuringly grabbing his hand. Minho leaned over at this point, still smiling. Robyn gave him a high five and the three started laughing together. Jisung looked relieved.

“Chris, are you okay?” you asked once you had turned your attention away from the trio.

“Yeah just didn’t know about that” Chris chuckled, finally able to speak.

“Well you are the leader, I suspect there are a lot of things you don’t know.” You reminded him.

He agreed with you, looking thoroughly shook before yelling at everyone again in Korean. You assumed he was yelling at them to come back. You looked across at Felix, it was his turn now. Changbin sat next to him looking worse for the wear after this new information had been divulged combined with the shots he had taken.

“Well let’s try this again, never have I ever kissed Channie hyung.” He said confidently, looking at you. All eyes were on you again. If the members had any doubts about the nature of your and Chris’s relationship, you were about to clear them up. All of their eyes were on you, looking eager to see what the answer was. You then noticed you only had one finger left. Once you put it down, you would be the loser and end the game. You looked over at Chris, he was smiling and simply nodded once. You rolled your eyes and reached for the glass.

“Okay! I lose!” you said and Chris filled your shot glass. The circle exploded for the second time in a row and everyone began shouting things at Chris. He argued back with them and you looked at Jisung.

“What are they saying?” you asked, talking over Robyn.

“Um, I’m sorry but you don’t want to know y/n.” Jisung said, looking apologetic.

You buried your face in Robyn’s shoulder, groaning. The alcohol was really hitting you now. You could feel your mind swirling and your fingertips and chest tingled.

Chris came over to stand by you. You looked up at him and he turned his head to one side.

_God why is everything this man does so fucking hot._

“Yes?” you asked, as he reached his hand down to help lift you up.

“Nothing just wanted to see if you’re okay” he asked for the ten millionth time that night.

“Yes Chris, I’m fine, don’t worry so much.” You said smiling, just wanting to enjoy the moment after all the embarrassment, “come on, let’s go look at the view” you said, leading him to the edge of the roof. You put your arms up on the ledge and rested your chin on them.

“This is so beautiful Chris, the city at night. Thank you so much for inviting me.” You said, truly taken aback by the city scape lit up at night.

“It’s no problem. I’m just glad you’re here. I’m glad I met you.” Chris said, also looking at the sight before the two of you.

You turned your head to look at him now. He had the most beautiful profile. His eyes, nose and lips each complimenting each other perfectly. You were too entranced by his form to speak back. You stayed like this for a moment until he looked at you.

You couldn’t help it, you leaned up and kissed him there. With anyone near to witness. Your lips brushed his and he quickly ran a hand down your arm. Your sunburn from standing in line at the Newark concert a day before combined with the tingling from the alcohol created the most delicious sensation that made your mouth practically water. You opened your mouth to deepen the kiss and Chris’s tongue found entrance. You wrapped your arms around his neck when you heard someone yelling at you. It was Jisung and Woojin. You realized you shouldn’t be doing this here, the alcohol had probably clouded both of your judgements.

Chris nodded at them and put his hands on your waist, twisting so your back was against the ledge and he was blocking your view of everyone else. He put his forehead to touch yours.

“I just can’t keep my hands off of you, what are you doing to me?” Chris said in a low, gruff voice.

“I’m wondering the same about you,” you practically whined back, “God I love it when you touch me.”

“Don’t talk like that when we’re in public, I won’t be able to stop myself” he growled, squeezing your hips so tight you thought it would leave bruises.

“We’re not in public” you observed.

“Yeah but I can’t let them see me like this,” Chris said back, “I’m supposed to set a good example for them, not ravage you up against this concrete wall.”

“Then don’t,” you said calmly, grabbing his hands to remove them from your hips. Turning around to face the city again, not wanting to look at anyone who had witnessed the incident.

“You’re prettier than the city,” you said, turning to him.

“I’m not pretty.” Chris grumbled.

“Yes you are.” You replied.

You stood there in silence for a little while. Becoming lost in your thoughts, the edges blurred by alcohol. He grabbed your hand after a while. Then you grabbed his arm and rested your head on his shoulder. Then he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you into a full embrace.

“Let’s go back to my room.” he whispered in your ear, giving you chills.

“Okay.” was all you said in reply.

You all walked towards the exit and you noticed how drunk everyone had gotten. Robyn was laying her head in Jisung’s lap, Changbin was being held up by a very tired looking Felix while talking animatedly  with far too many hand gestured to Woojin and Jeongin. Hyunjin, Seungmin and Minho were standing around Jisung, Minho was also looking pretty toasted, laughing and nearly losing his balance.

It was a nice scene, quaint almost. If you hadn’t known better you would’ve thought this was a group of friends having a night out during college. But that’s not what this was, this was them hiding on a rooftop in order to have any semblance of a night out. This was them hiding anyone who associates with them that wasn’t “them” lest the public rip them apart. The truth was, it was a fucked up scenario that had your head spinning as much as the alcohol. Your horror must’ve shown on your face because Chris tugged you along quicker as you entered the stairwell.

“What’s wrong baby girl?” he asked concerned, as you walked to the elevator.

“Nothing, it’s just, I think too much” you said, trying not to ruin the mood you two had going on the roof.

“Is it your anxiety?” he questioned. You momentarily wondered how he knew you had anxiety until you remembered pretty much spilling your entire soul to him in the early morning hours of the night before. The elevator arrived and you two stepped on.

“Maybe a little, but I’m okay.” You said, moving to hug him again, the buzz you had going making you feel even more clingy.

But he quickly jerked himself away. “No y/n, there could be cameras in here.” He said, looking at the ceiling almost panicked.

You immediately felt rejection. A small voice of reason told you it wasn’t his fault, it was burned in his brain to avoid being seen with anyone that could cause a scandal. But at the moment all you could feel was hurt, and you lashed out.

“Oh right, sorry I can’t touch the precious Bang Chan! I’m not worthy!” you said sourly. Chris snapped out of his panic and he too looked hurt.

“Don’t say that. Why are you saying that?” he asked.

“Because I’m clearly an annoyance to you!” you snapped. You didn’t know where you were going at this point, mind foggy.

“It’s not you y/n! It’s just the way things are!” he attempted to reason but you stormed out of the elevator when the doors open. You started walking when you realized you didn’t know where you were going.

Chris grabbed your arm and pulled you toward a room. He unlocked the door and you huffed past him. “Should we have entered separately? Aren’t you scared? That you’ll be seen with scum?”

You were walking toward the bed when you felt him grab you and spin you around, shoving you backwards and attaching his lips to yours as your bodies crashed on the bed. The action had your adrenaline pumping in no time and arousal stirred in your core as you felt his weight on you. You bucked your hips up and moaned as he licked into your mouth. He moved his lips to your neck as you tangled your fingers in his hair.

He was in the middle of planting sloppy kisses on your neck when he spoke.

“Don’t say that shit about yourself.” He growled in between kisses. “That’s not what you are.”

“Then what am I to you?” you asked. Regretting it the moment it left your mouth. You had known him for slightly more than 24 hours and you were already trying to have the “what are we?” talk. You were about to correct yourself when he spoke.

“A breath of fresh air.” He said.

You shuttered at his words.  


	8. 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here’s some angst don’t hate me plz

You didn’t know how to respond. How could you respond? You didn’t know what he meant by those words but you could tell by the look in his eyes that he was telling the truth.

This could be it, the moment that your relationship took a turn from something fun and casual to something deeper, something meaningful. The moment you would look back on fondly in years to come when reminiscing together about the night he confessed.

But for the second time that night, you were reminded that’s not what this was. This was you and him living on borrowed time, stealing moments that were never going to be _yours_. Every second that went by was stabbing you in the chest with the knowledge that it was leading closer to the time you would have to say goodbye and never see each other again. It wasn’t you being apathetic, it was a fact. Chris belonged to his fans. He belonged to the company. All idols do, fucked up or not, it’s how the industry works.

But that’s all this was right? Just a hook up? That’s what you had convinced yourself in the first place, in order to work up the nerve to go meet him in the first place. You had told yourself this was just a one night stand. It was just sex. That’s all. You never got attached to guys you solely hooked up with, saying goodbye immediately after was the name of the game. But you both had already botched that part of the standard arrangement when he had asked and you had agreed to come to Houston.

So why did you feel like this? Like someone had punched you in the stomach? You couldn’t possibly have developed feelings in a day. It had to be just because he was famous. That’s what the attraction was.

_But isn’t that shitty? To just use him for his fame to fulfill some fucked up fantasy or kink that I didn’t know I had? A delusional fan who thinks we’re destined to be together? Is that what I am?_

Chris’s face changed to confusion and you assumed it was because you hadn’t responded to his confession. Until you watched his hand come to your face and wipe a tear that had started to leak from your eye. You hadn’t even realized you had teared up or had been on the verge of crying.

“What’s wrong babygirl?” he asked, utter concern on his face, “we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. I hope I didn’t make you feel like-“

But before he could finish his sentence you cut him off. You couldn’t possibly spend another second thinking about what you were feeling or continuing your downward spiral of thoughts. You needed anything to escape the madness in your head. This was just a hookup. Treating it like anything else or developing feelings was going to fuck you over in the end, you just knew it. You already knew you would be comparing your future partners to him and reliving sex with him for months or years to come. Adding feelings was like throwing gasoline on the garbage fire that was your mind any time you thought of him.

“Just fuck me.” You said demanding and started kissing his neck. He tried to push you away but you held on.

“Y/n you’re upset. I want to talk to you, we don’t have to-“ he started again.

“What? Isn’t this why we’re here?” you said monotone while flipping your positions to straddle him. His hands instinctively went to your hips.

“I mean it’s not the-“ he spoke but was once again cut off by your sharp words.

“Okay fine. I’ll just go to sleep and we can fuck in the morning. But I’m pissed you’re making me wait, it’s not like we have time.” You said, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Crawling up the bed to lean back and against the headboard, crossing your arms at your chest and huffing like a petulant child.

Chris turned to look at you from where he was sitting on the side of his bed. His jaw went slack and his mouth parted in disbelief, he shook his head and then made eye contact with you.

“Okay if that’s what you want, I’ll just fuck you then.” He said before moving to you.

He attached his lips to your neck and started sucking bruises into them hard. Your heart raced with adrenaline at the sudden change of events. You moved your hand to his hair but he smacked it away. You huffed in confusion when you felt him move lower towards your breast and began nipping at the skin there. You began to moan, unable to silence the pleasure he was giving you.

He lifted your shirt up and off and over your head. You looked at his eyes while he was doing this and they looked different. They looked cold. They looked _hungry._ You couldn’t help how much it turned you on.  He took your hand and placed it on the bulge in his pants, you palmed his length through the material for a second and turned your head upwards to kiss him. But just as you were about to make contact with his lips, he grabbed you by the waist and flipped you over.

You didn’t see it coming at all and let out a gasp of confusion.

“Chris, why-“ you started to question.

“You wanted me to fuck you so that’s what I’m doing.” He said coldly. You didn’t like his tone. It unnerved you, it felt too impersonal, even though it was what you were thinking you wanted just minutes before.

He moved his hand between your thighs and you sighed in relief. He rubbed through your shorts and you started moving with the rhythm he set. Keening into his touch. Desperate for relief.

You stayed like this for a few moments when you felt his other hand start to tug at your shorts. You moved to help him pull them down and waited for his hand to resume contact. But that’s not what you got. You felt his throbbing cock brushing your entrance. You didn’t even know how he had time to put a condom on. 

“Is this what you want?” he asked, voice void of emotion. You didn’t like the change in his demeanor. But your pussy was throbbing at the slightest contact with his cock and you desperately wanted him inside you.

“Yes I want it, please please fuck me,” you whines, moving your hips back to feel him more. As soon as the words left your mouth he was inside of you, bottoming out quickly just to snap his hips back and slam into you again.

“Oh fuck babe, you feel so good.” You moaned, the alcohol still in your system made you not give two shits who heard you.

“Shut up,” Chris said, with an especially hard snap of his hips. “I don’t want anyone to know I’m in here fucking you.”

His words once again made you shutter, this time in anger. He knew what he was doing, he was trying to piss you off. You liked it when he talked dirty during sex but he knew this would hit a nerve with you and he said it anyway.

You stopped moaning, you stopped moving, everything stopped.

“Fuck you Chris, how fucking dare you say that to me?” you spat at him, turning your head to look at him. Just as you were able to see him, he grabbed a handful of your hair and pulled, so you would sit up on your knees and your back would be pressed up against his stomach. His mouth found it’s way to your ear.

“I said I don’t want anyone to know that you’re in here getting split in half by my cock.” As he finished his sentence he began thrusting again, fucking into like his life depended on it. His low voice had heat pooling in your core. Damn your deep voice kink.

You moved your hand down to your clit and began rubbing steady circles, just wanting the pleasure to help you escape from the turmoil in your mind. Chris grunted when he realized what you were doing and it just made you go faster. When you finally orgasmed it hit you like a ton of bricks. All the anger and frustration exited your body as you rode out your high, you started to scream when you felt a hand slap over your mouth to muffle you.

You thought he was about to cum too, his thrusts felt sloppy. But instead of cumming in the condom like last time, he slipped his dick out of you and ripped the condom off. You turned around to see him pumping his dick with his hand. He looked like sin. The sight was so erotic you felt like you could cum again.

“Cum on my tits.” You said, turning around so he could get a better aim. It felt filthy but it’s all you wanted right now. He just nodded and tilted his head back as he painted your chest white. You watched him in awe as he jerked himself through it.

When he finally looked down at you, you took a finger and ran it through the cum pooling between your breasts and licked it clean.

“Fuck.” Was all he said, looking utterly fucked out. You could drink in the sight of him like this forever. You would lick all his cum off your own chest if it would make him stay there before you like this longer.

But he moved to get off the bed, you assumed to go get something to clean the both of you up.

“Alright see you tomorrow maybe, not sure I’m pretty busy. But maybe we can squeeze in a fuck.” Chris said in dismissal, turning away and walking towards the bathroom. His perfectly sculpted ass staring you right in the face.

You gasped at his coldness.

“What the hell Chris?!” you questioned. Why was he suddenly treating you like shit?

“What? We did what we were _here for_ so you can leave now.” He said passively, entering the bathroom as he spoke. He was using your own words against you and they cut you like a knife.

You didn’t like Chris this way. You wanted to cuddle. You wanted to talk. You wanted the Chris from yesterday back. The one you developed feelings for. Yes, you had developed them. The sinking feeling in your gut and sudden wave of nausea was enough to tell you that’s what this was. One day or one hundred days, you had feelings for him all the same.

_Robyn was right. I’m so fucked._

You had to tell him. You couldn’t take another moment of him being upset and mean to you. You got up and walked to the bathroom, when you were about to walk in you noticed the shower was running and you went in anyways.

“Chris.” You said, trying to keep your voice even.

No response.

“Chris I want to talk.” You said again a little louder.

Still, no response.

“Please don’t be mad at me anymore. I’m just so confused right now, and I just don’t want to get hurt in all this. I’m just-I’m sorry. Please just talk to me.” Your voice cracked at the end. You felt on the verge of crying, your throat burned and you devoted every last bit of energy you had not to let tears fall.

“I’m not mad.” Was all Chris said.

You moved the shower curtain back and saw him standing there, his gorgeous profile. He had one arm up on the wall of the shower and his forehead was leaning against it, letting the water hit his side.

You couldn’t help it, you stepped in the shower and moved to him. You couldn’t control your impulses around him to save your life. You wrapped your arms around his mid-section and pressed your head to his bicep.

“Chris. I like you and the reason I acted like that out there is because I was fighting it so hard. I thought if I just ignored my feelings and just focused on the sex they would go away. But they’re not going away and I’m terrified because I know I shouldn’t have them and-“ a sob tore through your chest. You were crying now, there was no chance to stop it. Chris immediately wrapped his arms around you and you stood there letting the hot water pour over both of you.

“Please don’t act that way again, y/n. You’re sweet and nice and good and genuine and this is not just sex. Yeah, maybe it was at first but not now. I just feel a connection with you after getting to know so much about you last night. I don’t know how or why but I’m not questioning it. The way you acted hurt me and it confused me too. Fuck- this shouldn’t be so hard.” Chris said, his normal voice was back, you thought you heard his voice almost break too and you just held him tighter.

“You’re good, y/n. I’ve never met someone so genuinely fun to be around. The energy you put off is just…addictive.” He continued.

_Addictive. That’s putting the way I feel about you mildly. But honestly accurate._

“I feel the same way about you.” You sniffled.

“My job brings a lot of people around me, a lot of them are fake, power hungry, but I don’t get that with you. Please don’t ever change.” He said finally. “Let’s go lay down.”

 

“Maybe we had a bit too much to drink.” You said, lying next to Chris, your arm was around his side and your face was pressed near his chest.

“Yeah, you could say that” Chris chuckled in agreement.

“We should get some sleep,” you said to him, thinking about his concert tomorrow and how there was no way he would be able to do it fatigued.

“I don’t want to sleep when you’re around,” Chris said, yawning.

“I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.” You told him, moving up to give him a peck on the lips.

You felt secure in his arms after having confessed to each other. You kept squeezing him to make sure this was real and you weren’t dreaming. You had been on a roller coaster of emotions this evening and it was exhausting.

You wanted to stay here with him, in this moment, just like this. Holding each other, knowing each other’s feelings, quiet, peaceful, content. But time doesn’t wait, the seconds keep ticking no matter what you feel on the inside. The smallest voice inside your mind was praying, praying to any god to stop time where it was and make this night last for eternity. Somehow you already knew it would go unanswered.


	9. 9

That night you dreamed more than usual.

You dreamed you were with Chris back home at the park you usually jogged at.

“Chris this is where I used to play when I was a kid! Isn’t it so small and quaint?” you asked, grinning. This must be tiny compared to the parks in Seoul.

“Yes, it’s so peaceful. Thank you for bringing me here, it’s healing.” He beamed back at you.

The golden sunlight was trickling through the limbs of the trees and the breeze rustled the leaves. Chris looked beautiful in this scenery. Like he was just part of it.

“I used to love to swing, sometimes I would swing and sing Disney songs! Even when I was in college!” you confessed.

“I want to hear you sing y/n! I thought you said you couldn’t!” Chris said while taking your hand and walking in the direction “you’ve got to let me hear it now.”

“Chris I really can’t sing! I just did it for fun. It was therapeutic, I guess.” You said, while picking a swing.

“Just pick a song you enjoy. You said you liked Disney, those aren’t hare to sing. You’ve heard me sing a million times but I’ve never heard you. It’s not fair.” He said the last sentence while pouting his lips like a baby, he looked so damn cute you couldn’t resist.

You opened your mouth to sing when you noticed something out of the corner of your eyes. People. Walking in your direction. Your stomach twisted when you remembered you weren’t supposed to be in public with him, even in your small town.

You turned to tell him you both should leave but he was gone, his swing still swaying back and forth. You started walking which quickly turned to a run to find him.

But you never did.

You awoke from your dream feeling like you had a nightmare, recalling the times you had woken up still so scared from a dream that you didn’t even dare move or open your eyes. The feeling you were having now was the same. Your limbs were stiff as board and your eyes stayed shut.

You slowly wiggled your fingers to bring yourself out of your self-induced paralysis and felt Chris’s bare skin beneath them. This was your second morning waking up to him and you again wondered if anything would ever beat this feeling you had with him. You willed your eyes open, recalling the heavenly sight that you knew was waiting for you.

Opening your eyes you turned your head to see him. Your limbs were tangled together and his arm was thrown across your stomach. No, you never would get used to this. Whoever this man ends up marrying was the luckiest person in the universe for being able to see this sight every morning.

You didn’t move anymore knowing it would wake him if you did. You just watched the rhythmic motions of his chest rising and falling with his breaths until his eyes popped open. You jumped at the sudden movement and gasped.

“Were you watching me sleep y/n? That’s a bit creepy.” Chris grinned over at you.

“Um, no. Well, yes. But I’m not a creep! I just wanted you to sleep in and you’re attached to me like a koala!” you sputtered.

“I’m just kidding babygirl, calm down.” Chris said, cuddling back up to you.

“I mean you’re like really beautiful, so who wouldn’t stare?” you quipped.

“Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?” he questioned, twisting his head in an angle to move in to a kiss.

“Ah-!” you yelped, pushing him away while getting up, “we have morning breath, let’s brush our teeth” you beckoned him towards the bathroom.

“You’re right,” he said following you, “but I was going to deal with it to kiss my beautiful girl.”

_Yeah, I already woke up once but somehow I think it’s possible to do it again? Am I in Inception? Cause there’s no way he just called me that in real life right now._

“You’re gross.”

_Smooth, y/n. Smooth._

“Hey that’s something coming from you!” Chris sputtered, “I saw you eat a pepperoni off the concrete last night!”

“I was drunk and hungry!” you defended.

“It was before we took shots!” Chris retorted back.

_Well he had you there._

“Shut up and brush your teeth. Stays don’t want to see you with yellow teeth.” You teased, putting toothpaste on his brush.

“They’d love me either way,” Chris hummed.

_He had you there too._

You turned your attention to the mirror and realized you were both still naked. But honestly, when did you ever wear clothes around each other when you two were alone? You’d learned the hard way your first morning together that he preferred you sans clothes.

More importantly, when did you all get so fucking domestic? Having playful banter while brushing your teeth in the morning together getting ready for the day. Relationships repulsed you. You absolutely gagged when your friends would talk about their significant other’s and their fluffy domesticated bullshit. But now you kinda got it. You could wake up and get dressed and spend every single day watch paint dry with Chris and probably never get tired of it, because he would be there with you.

Damn, you have it bad for this guy.

“Perhaps we should take another shower?” Chris smirked at you, looking like the devil.

“What?” you questioned, “we just took one before bed.”

“Shhhh…” he waved you off while turning to turn on the water.

_God. He has a nice ass._

You both stepped in the shower and the water felt lovely running over your skin, you breathed in the steam. Chris hugged you around the waist in an effort to get some water on him. Your face naturally found it’s way to the crook of his neck and you just couldn’t help but kiss the soft skin there. It felt so right. His body was so perfect, it deserved to be worshiped, in your mind.

Chris let out a sigh at your ministrations, and you slowly began to kiss lower, his chest, his stomach, all the way down to his half-hard dick. God, his dick was pretty. It was just impossible not to taste.

He let out another sigh as you took him in his mouth. Your hand pumping him at the bottom while you used your tongue to coax him to full hardness. You swirled your tongue around like you knew he would like, his subtle thrust into your mouth confirmed it and spurred you on further.

You snaked your free hand around his back side and pulled him closer, encouraging him to keep going. He continued bucking his hips into your mouth until his dick was hitting the back of your throat. Your eyes watered but you willed yourself not to gag. Not when he was enjoying himself this much.

“You look so good down there taking my dick babygirl,” he rasped at you, sounding utterly fucked out. Which was good, that’s just how you wanted him. You tried to smile and looked up at him. Your eyes locked. “God I wish I had a picture of this,” he mused.

You decided to respond, show him how nasty you could be, you sucked off his dick with a pop, “you fucked me so good babe, you deserve to have your dick sucked every day for how hard you made me cum,” you said in the sultriest voice you could muster.

His eyes glistened, darkened.

“Is that what you want? You want me to fuck you again until you cum?” but he didn’t wait for an answer, he was too busy lifting you off your knees and spinning you around to bend you over.

Your hands met the wall as you waited for his fingers, but the head of his cock was pressing into your entrance instead. God, you relished the feeling. Your pussy was throbbing for him.

He pushed into you with such force your head almost hit the wall, your arm muscles worked hard to support yourself against his pace. You let out a moan, he was fucking you like his life depended on it. You sighed at the feeling, loving knowing he was using your body to get off. Stretching your walls with no foreplay. It was nasty, it was urgent and you loved it.

“Is this what you wanted baby?” he asked, voice strained.

“Yes, yes, fuck yes,” you chanted.

He pulled out and grabbed you once again to spin you around to face him.

“Go to the bed, I want you to ride my cock until you come undone again.”

He didn’t have to tell you twice, you scrambled out of the shower, not even bothering to turn the water off and he followed you. You were both soaking wet when you pushed him down on the bed. The bed was sure to be ruined after this, but you didn’t care, not when you had this beautiful man underneath you who was determined to make you cum. What else could matter?

You climbed on top of him and straddled him, taking time to line up his cock with your entrance before sliding down, there was no time to be wasted now. You started to ride him, just like he’d asked. His hands were bruisingly tight at your hips.

“Don’t hold back baby,” you said, “I want you to feel good too.”

“Fuck, what did I do to deserve you?” Chris sighed as he started fucking up into you with brutal force. It burned in the most delicious way.

He sat up and put one hand behind your ass while his lips found your nipple. He began sucking as you threw your head back in pleasure, it was so much, so many achingly good sensations, all at once. You felt like you were going to explode.

“I know you’re close baby, cum for me,” he instructed, and who were you to deny him something he wanted so much? You increased the pace, which you didn’t realize was possible as his hand moved down to where your bodies met.

He found your clit easily and began tapping it and rubbing rough circles, just enough to send you toppling over the edge. Your orgasm rocked your core, sending vibrating sensations throughout your whole body, you rode it out, mouth falling open in a gasp while Chris fucked you through it.

When you came back to your senses Chris was staring at you in what looked like awe.

“Cum baby, I want you to cum.” You said, pushing him back down on the mattress.

Your limbs felt like jello after your orgasm but you wanted him to cum so bad, you used every ounce of strength to keep the pace, he saw your struggle and you swore he said “cute” under his breath, and flipped you over on your back. You arched your back to raise your hips to give him better access.

“Fuck you’re so hot,” He said, with both hands on your hips, fucking into you until he pulled out and finished himself with his hand, white spurts covering your stomach. Watching him touch himself was the most erotic thing you’d ever witnessed.

You couldn’t help it when you ran your finger through his cum pooling on your stomach and licked it clean with your tongue for him to watch. He faltered while watching you, his hand grabbing your knee to hold himself up.

“Y/n…” was all he said, and then he collapsed next to you.

You laid there like that, side by side on the completely soaked bed, breathing roughly, both fighting for your composure.

“Well,” you said, making note of the water you could still hear running in the bathroom, “I guess we should go finish that shower.”


End file.
